I pissed myself again!
Dear Workplace Facilities Management,
So often employees are quick to complain about certain issues. It is rare that a department as capable as yours receives a letter commending you for your actions. This is such a letter.
Several weeks ago I submitted a service request to have the urinal pads removed from the men’s room urinals. My reasoning was simple: the urinals already have permanent stoppers attached so as not to allow foreign objects to accidentally get flushed. By placing a urinal pad in the urinal, the only purpose it serves is to splash piss on the pisser!
You see, with that permanent urinal guard in place, the pad you placed in there would not sit correctly, thus rendering the statement “go piss yourself” a valid action.
Other valid statements are as follows:
- Piss off!
- Get pissed!
- I’m going to rip your eyes out and piss in your skull!
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get off topic.
Much to my surprise, you actually removed the blue urinal pads. I was ecstatic! There would be no more pee stains on my trousers. I would no longer look like an eighty-year-old man who had soiled himself. You just saved me hundreds of dollars in dry cleaning fees each year. I applauded you…..
But you went a step further.
I want to preface this next statement by saying that this action was by far, above and beyond the call of duty as a fixer of things and shit!
You have now added a wonderful new item to the urinal that will solve the “splashy piss” problem. While I don’t wholeheartedly agree with the addition of a new urinal pad, I do applaud your action in placing pads with aroma cakes attached to them.
This was a brilliant move! Remove the urinal pad completely? No way! Make the urinal pad user friendly? Way!
Now, when I take a piss and splash urine on my $200 slacks, I will know that a fresh, summer breeze, ocean scent will accompany me wherever I go. Bravo, I say.
It is an action such as this that makes this company an Employer Of Choice.
More vacation days?
Fuck you!
More pay?
Double fuck you!
Healthy food in a cafeteria with edible food?
Triple fuck you with fudge on top!
But urinal pads with scented cakes? You have a home run with this idea.
Sincerely,
Anonymous Employee for Fear of Being Fired over Complaining About Scented Urinal Cakes
ps. Go fuck yourself…
Tags: facilities, letter
