It has been a long time since I witnessed a heat wave like we’re experiencing this week in Oklahoma City. The forecast for today is 106° with humidity somewhere around 300 million percent. That means there’s really no escape. It’s not like a dry heat where you can get in the shade and capture some sort of relief. Humidity is worse than heat IMO. It can take a beautiful 75 degree day and turn it into a sweatfest.
So I’ve compiled the top five ways to beat the heat in this sauna we call OKC.
Kiddie Pool minus the kids
The worst part about going to the neighborhood pool are the kids. Those screaming little monsters will completely kill your afternoon wine buzz. Solution? Buy a kiddie pool and fill it with water.
HINT: You probably don’t want to pee in this pool…but that’s just a suggestion!
Crash an apartment complex pool
This is super easy and doesn’t require you to go to WalMart (the worst part of #1).
But, choose wisely. You want to find an apartment complex with a good ratio of attractive people without it being loaded down with a bunch of college frat bros. Find a higher end apartment where you can lurk in the corner and when someone heads through the gate, just slide in behind them!
The problem with this idea is that everyone else has the same idea because it’s brutally hot! However, the booze is probably flowing freely and you might be able to drink for free.
Visit your neighborhood pool
This is the worst idea out of all five. The neighborhood pool is filled with a million kids who splash, make noise, and provide a steady stream of urine to tax the chlorine content in the pool. On top of that, the stay-at-home moms either use the the pool as a babysitter or they’re sitting on the edge of the pool talking about how cute their kids are and how awful their husbands are.
My advice? Use this as an absolute last resort. And get drunk before you go. No one should have to handle this situation sober.
Float the Oklahoma river
There’s space. There’s an absence of kids. You can sneak in your own booze. There’s disgusting brown water with tide pools of trash. You have big balls if you can pull this one off. Make sure you have all your shots before attempting this method.
Hose each other down in the front yard
I would totally do this if I was sure my neighbors wouldn’t freak out.
Whatever you do, just make sure you invite a friend. Suffering alone is no fun!