You are totally missing a great pic of a belly button!

What would happen if the belly button wasn’t closed?

I love messing with people. Watching them laugh and squirm is just priceless.  Yesterday afternoon, my friend, let’s call her “Wanda” to protect the innocent, was partially complaining about a long meeting she had to attend in the afternoon.  I know Wanda.  I know she’ll check her phone every once in a while because, seriously, who doesn’t check their phone in a long meeting?  Long meetings SUCK!

Wanda and I communicate exclusively via Snapchat.  I have no idea why.  Maybe it’s because some of the vile shit we discuss needs to disappear quickly so there’s no evidence. Maybe it’s because Wanda is young, beautiful, and hip and that’s what young, beautiful, and hip people do these days. 

I’m old.  I wouldn’t have any clue about that stuff.

Because the conversation will not save, my go-to joke is a picture of a very large black man with an exceptional unit.  This is the kind of unit that makes villagers run screaming into the hills.  It makes nurses pass out.  It makes potential female sexual partners say Oh hell fucking no!  The shock value of this picture is just purely amazing! It’s priceless!

Part I

Me: {Just out of the blue!} I’m going to send you a picture of my dick!

Wanda: No reply…..I’m sure Wanda’s in shock at this point!

Me: I send the massive schlong pic.

Wanda: The girl sitting next to me just saw that! Now she probably thinks I’m cheating on my husband with that black guy!

Me: Was she impressed?

I soon realize Wanda probably won’t check her phone for a while because I’ve just messed with her in a meeting and she doesn’t want to introduce her new Giant Cock Man to the girl sitting next to her.  I use this to my advantage. 

This is my chance to concoct a story that will really mess with her.  I have no idea what came over me, but the belly button just popped in my head.

Part II

The story begins….

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the belly button wasn’t closed off?  Would it ooze shit?  What would be it’s purpose?  I’m sure somewhere, someone would find a reason to use it as a sex tool.  What would that be like?  Would you finger it or fuck it?  Or both? 

You’re in high school and you hook up with a really hot girl over the weekend.  Like all high school guys do, you discuss it Monday morning at school:

“Dude, you hooked up with Sally last weekend?” 

“Hell yeah, I totally BB’d her!”

“Seriously?  Finger or dick?”

“Finger….all the way!”

This brings up another question: if the belly button could be used as a sexual orifice, what would the sensation be?  Would you still be a virgin if you Belly Buttoned but you didn’t really fuck?  Could humans have separate types of orgasms based upon the belly button or the vagina/penis?  These are the seriously deep questions we need to answer in life!

What happens if the guy cums in the belly button.  Would the girl be able to blow it out like a whale?  And what would you call it?  Whaling?  Would it be a contest to see how high you could blow it out?  

“She totally whaled!”

“Seriously? How high?”

“Like six inches man!!!!”

“Pfffft…..I’ve seen Mandy hit twelve!”

This is where I ended the conversation and hit send.  Five minutes later I received this:

“I hate you Sean!”

My job is done!  But I so love you Wanda!

Share this post

%d bloggers like this: