5 Important Life Rules

road-life

Every once in a while my father sends me something I actually want to read.  Usually he sends a video or and article about something I’ve already seen.  But this morning he sent me a useful image with 5 important life rules.  

I thought this was worth sharing….with comments, of course!

1.  Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name!

I can still remember the name of a guy who picked on me in high school:  Chuck Booze!  Chuck joined the military and is now a colonel in the Army.  This is a perfect job for Chuck.  He can boss people around, abuse people he thinks are beneath him, and just generally be a total dick and get away with it.  The only shitty thing is that my tax dollars pay his salary.  My god this guy was an asshole.  If you’ve seen Animal House, you will probably remember the closing credits where they gave fake updates on what happened to each of the guys.  One of them was something like, “Killed by his own men in Vietnam.”  I’m surprised this hasn’t happened to Chuck.  Seriously!

2.  Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

My road bike is worth more than a lot of cars.  It’s pretty comfortable.  And money would totally buy me happiness!  But the first thing I would do is buy a Mercedes!

3.  Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

Ahhh, leeches!  Years ago I befriended a guy who was a local TV personality.  When I say befriended, I mean I met him a few times at a bar we used to frequent.  He was a total shitshow.  He called me one afternoon and asked me for something like $2,000 for bail money because he got arrested.  I can’t remember exactly what he was arrested for but it seems like it was either back child support or spousal abuse or something like that.  

I called my friend Cami and told her that he asked me for money.  She screamed into the phone, “DON’T GIVE THAT ASSHOLE ANY MONEY!”  Of course I would never give him money.  One, I didn’t have $2,000.  Hell, I probably didn’t have $200 to my name.  Two, I knew I’d either never see that money again.  Three, I didn’t actually know this guy.  Four, read #3 again!

4.  Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

When I read this, the first thing that comes to mind is “Trump voters!”  I’ll just leave it at that.

5.  Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

This is just flat out wrong.  Alcohol solves lots of problems…just temporarily!

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