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Cell phone etiquette

Using your cell phone's speaker in public should be an offense punishable by mild violence!

As I sat in a diner this morning, quietly eating my breakfast and reading The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, a cell phone rang at the table next to me.  My immediate thought was, how fucking rude that the the phone wasn’t on silent mode.  One of my biggest pet peeves is a ringing phone.  There’s a reason we have vibrating phones: so no one else has to hear your phone ring in public, especially sitting at a dinner table.

But I was wrong.  Leaving the ringer on wasn’t rude.  It wasn’t even close to rude.  Rude was her turning on the speaker to her phone, laying it down on the table, and carrying on a conversation while she continued to eat.

This isn’t the first nor the last time I’ll see this happen.  Several weeks ago, a woman in my building did this on the elevator.  She’s a retired local newscaster working for an advertising firm in the building.  I can partially forgive her.  I’ve had run-ins with her before and her sense of entitlement and arrogance rivals Donald Trump.

But the woman sitting in the diner this morning was just fucking rude. 

I’m on the fence about using cell phones whiles at dinner.  Sometimes it’s just not an issue and no one at the table cares. When we’re sitting on the patio after the weekly runs, no one really cares that we’re all digging through our social media accounts or catching up on texts.  

Sitting down for a nice dinner at Paseo Grill is a different story.  

Carrying on a conversation over the loudspeaker on your phone is just downright asshole-ish and we should be allowed to punch these people in the throat; silence them for a little while; teach them a little lesson!

One of my favorite scenes of all time was from the Larry David Show.  Larry was having lunch in a diner when the guy next to him answers his cell phone and starts carrying on a loud conversation.  Larry picks up his cellphone and pretends to receive a call.

Larry

No, it’s ok.  I can talk.  (pause) Oh, that noise?  Yeah, it’s just some asshole on his phone next to me!

Asshole on phone

(gives look of surprise)

The next time you’re in a restaurant or around a large group of people, pay attention to how they use their cellphones.  We’ve become so blind to people using them in this rude manner, we tend to overlook most of the rude behavior.  

And by all means, if someone is on the speaker, punch them in the throat….but you didn’t hear that from me!  And I do NOT have bail money!

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