25 Things…

Ahhh yes, self gratification.  It’s the cornerstone of a good American.  In the interest of self grandizement, here are 25 thing you probably never wanted to know about me!

  1. I count everything.
  2. I almost never wear underwear.
  3. I have 2 tattoos: left shoulder is a peace symbol with the DMB Fire Dancer behind it and the words ‘Make Art, Not War’ around the symbol.  The other is on the right shoulder.  It’s the FSM pirate fish surrounded by a ring of hell fire.
  4. I am a major supporter of homosexual rights and gay marriage event though I am straight.  It’s not my place to say whether homosexuality is right or wrong.  But it is my place to fight for basic human rights.  And everyone deserves to be treated equal.
  5. I still think Freecell is the greatest computer game ever invented!
  6. I have an Oreo addiction that rivals a heroin addiction.  Before I got married I told my wife that under no circumstances is she to bring a bag of Oreos into the house.  I can down a bag in one sitting.
  7. In kindergarten I slammed my right thumb in a door and the nail grew back split.  It has been that way ever since.
  8. If I had my choice, I’d pack up and move to San Francisco tomorrow.  SF is the only place on earth I have ever been where I step off the plane and think, “This is home.”
  9. I once hit a guy in high school because I was drunk.  My friend talked me into it.  I think about it constantly and would like to apologize for doing one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done in my life.
  10. I balance my checkbook every single day so I know exactly, to the penny, what I have in my account.
  11. I type close to 80 words per minute…..but let’s not count the mistakes.
  12. My dream job would be Writer…or trust fund baby.
  13. I think the exclamation point is the greatest punctuation symbol ever created and should be used on ever sentence!
  14. I believe “Bucket of Porn” is an appropriate gift at a baby shower, wedding, or Bah Mitzvah
  15. I value animal life WAY more than human life.
  16. Most of you know that I’m a complete asshole but what you don’t know is that I hate being an asshole!  But I’m a pretty unhappy person and I don’t know why!  Maybe I need a therapist?  Nah, I’ll just self medicate!
  17. I love Kathy Griffin and think d-listed is one of the coolest shows on TV!
  18. I don’t know if there is a god…and more importantly, NEITHER DO YOU!
  19. I can admit that I cried at Steel Magnolias!  You’re DEAD inside if you didn’t.
  20. I worked at the Pentagon and my office was about 75 feet from the section that was hit on 9/11.  I’m not sure what would have happened, but I’m pretty sure the fireball would have gone in front of my office door.
  21. I hate Oklahoma more than any place I’ve ever lived and plan to move in the next 4 years.
  22. I’m a liberal AND a Harley Davidson owner.  I know, crazy huh?
  23. I have a secret desire for rap music…but it has to be coupled with techno and a bitchin’ guitar riff!
  24. My favorite comeback is “Suck it, Jesus!”
  25. I’ve never seen the movie E.T. and never want to.

So there you have it.  25 things you never wanted to know about me.  Feel free to comment!

Enjoy!