- Image by ceslava.com via Flickr
Just a little fun for the middle of the week….
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Q. Nashville: I’m a happily married 35-year-old woman. A few weeks ago, I was having drinks at the home of a single female friend who is prone to “oversharing” about her personal life, particularly the rather large number of men she sleeps with. After an extra margarita or two, she persuaded me to talk about my sex life with my husband—which is very satisfying and fun, by the way. Much to my surprise, I found myself telling her that we engage in some “kinky” activities—I spank him, he sometimes wears panties, etc. She was absolutely shocked and told me that my husband would never be a “real” man and that he was almost certainly gay. To my astonishment, she has told several mutual friends about my confession, and now I suspect people are laughing behind our backs. I have cut off all contact with her, but I’m still worried about the firestorm of gossip this has created. What should I do?
A. Left Of Sean: OMG, yes he’s gay! Role play and panty-ass fudge packer are two very different things. You should divorce now…..but send us the film footage first so we can judge him correctly.
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Q. Help! I Feel Threatened by Our Female Pastor: I married the man of my dreams five years ago this month. We dated for almost three years prior to the wedding. He is wonderful … a kind, hard–working, and prosperous man. When we met and started dating, I was aware of my husband’s commitment as a practicing Christian, which included an active relationship with his church. I am just not really into church life but attend occasionally with him and support his participation, including his desire to tithe our income. No problems; all has worked out well. Until his/our church had a change in pastors. It is common for our denomination to “transfer” pastors from time to time. For years, we had “Rev. Bob.” My husband had a good relationship with him and often met with him for lunch, personal spiritual counsel, or just to chat about faith. Now, Rev. Bob has moved on and has been replaced with Rev. Denise. A female pastor! Apparently, my husband has normed in to having a pastoral confidant and has sought such from Rev. Denise, too. I have to admit if Rev. Denise was some old troll of a woman, I’d be fine, but she is a woman of about 35, just out of the seminary. The idea of my dear husband talking and sharing on a special level with her drove me to the edge. One night when we both got home from work, my husband shared how much he enjoyed Rev. Denise’s insight about some biblical perspectives and how much he looked forward to their next chat. Prudence, I flew into a rage! I am a very secure woman, but I felt great threat at Rev. Denise. I told my husband he MUST stop attending church and supporting it financially. And he must end contact with Rev. Denise. Backfire! My husband is now furious at me and is now using such phases as “IF this marriage continues.” Help!
A. Left Of Sean: Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, your husband is fucking retarded for going to church in the first place and you’re a subservient asshat for allowing it! This is just another case of religion fucking things up. Let him go. Dump that idiot before he gives away all his money to a non-existent god and the tards who follow him! Idiot.
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Q. I Don’t Like My Son’s Girlfriend, but He Wants To Propose: My youngest (in his 20s) has a girlfriend that I can’t stand. She’s a beautiful girl, and very smart and nice, but she’s very unrealistic. She is always telling my son that he can “do anything he sets his mind to if he works hard” and that he should go after all his dreams in life. This is all well and good, but I want my son to have a serious, realistic outlook on life. Most people don’t get everything they want out of their adult life. I know for sure I didn’t. I’m worried that this girl is convincing my son to expect too much. That’s not how his father and I raised him. He’s been dating this girl for a few years, and he came home last night with a huge ring—bigger than anything I’ve ever had! He is going to propose to her in a week, and I want to stop him. I know my son is happy with this girl—the happiest I’ve ever seen him be, in fact, but I’m worried that he’ll have unrealistic expectations with her and be disappointed later in life. But he loves this girl with all his heart, and I can see that she clearly loves him as well. What should I do?
A. Left Of Sean: My god! What a horrible fucking parent you are. Not only are you a horrible parent you’re a horrible person. Do us all a favor and kill yourself….soon! Hey son, life sucks. Settle for mediocrity. Fuck your dreams. Life is horrible and I’m living proof so just give up now! I’m pretty sure you should seek psychiatric help for your obvious inferiority complex and severe depression.
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Q. Leaving Friends Behind … Or Not: I’m a 22-year-old college student, and soon I’ll be going out into the world and trying to find a job. My problem is an odd one, as I see it. My mother says that in order to have a better chance of getting hired by someplace within my field (I have an associate’s degree in IT and am currently working on my bachelor’s degree in justice studies), I should stop using two of my closest childhood friends as references. She also said that I should stop associating with them altogether, because they could reflect badly on my reputation! One of them has appeared in court, on a charge that was later dropped because her side of the story was proven to be the true, but the other one has a spotless police record apart from repeated car accidents. I understand that, sadly, we are judged by the company we keep, and that continuing to associate with my childhood friends will most likely reflect badly on me. But I have known the accident-prone one since kindergarten and the other since sixth grade, and I am very close to them. I really don’t want to end these friendships, but I also don’t want to be judged based on their reputations. Should I end my friendships with them, as my mom recommends, and if so, how would I go about doing it?
A. Left Of Sean: Oh you stupid, stupid coed. Don’t worry, with an associates degree you’ll remain unemployed and when you top that off with a degree in justice studies you are just decreasing your chances even further. My advice? Start selling crack. You have no marketable education so you might as well try to make a buck where you can.
ps. Your mother is a fucking moron!
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Then it hit me!
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