One of my favorite South Park episodes was when Jimmy, the crippled kid, began to get chubbies while on stage. The talent show was coming up and he had to figure out how to cure his random hard-on problem. He was given some advice. He had to get laid.
This is a difficult task for a bunch of 4th graders. Cartman pulled a Cyrano de Bergerac and guided him with dialog from a headset.
However, the funny part, at least for me, was the first date. Jimmy took a girl to a restaurant that was a slam at the Olive Garden.
Here’s the dialog with the waiter greeting the table.
Four Cheese Stuffed Mezzaluna with Shrimp at Olive Garden
Buca de Fagghecini
WAITER Welcome to Buca de Fagghecini for the
authentico experience Italiano. My name
is Roma. Can I start you out with some
lotsa pasta macaroni minis?
JIMMY Uh, I think we’re gonna try your authentic
pizzareli casserona poppers.
I thought of this episode while watching a commercial the other day. Olive Garden is running a promotion right now for Four Cheese Stuffed Mezzaluna with Shrimp.
Most of you know I hate The Garden. It is crap. MacDonald’s has better quality food than The Garden. Their food is pre-measured and delivered to the store. It doesn’t even take a cook to prepare it. Anyone who can READ can put together their food because it all comes in a precious little kit for the immigrant with the 2nd grade education working in the kitchen.
So I called my friend Rosaria Li Mura. Rosaria lives in Catania, Sicily, Italy. I met her when I was in school in England in 1986. Rosaria informs me that there is no such thing as a Stuffed Mezzaluna. Actually, the word Mezzaluna means half-moon and has nothing to do with food or pasta in Italy. I think the really funny part is how 99.9% of The Garden customer couldn’t tell you what mezzaluna actually means. All they know is that it’s Italian there’s and endless bowl of salad on their table….”Hey girlie, don’t forget the bread sticks!”
I guess what has really pissed me off about The Garden and Red Lobster (same company) is that the customer “settled.” The customer was given mediocre food and told that it was great (mostly because the sodium content has you addicted and keeps you coming back for more!). The average Olive Garden customer couldn’t tell you what great food is. When dressing up to hit The Garden on a Friday night is fine dining, I’d say we live in a sad state of idiocy.
But I guess I realized that when I spent my honeymoon in Playa del Carmen, Mexico and the biggest restaurant in the town was a TGI Fridays! I’m so thankful that American mediocrity is spreading abroad.
