Last week, Sarah Palin decided to chyme in on the Tiger Woods saga.  Sarah told us here at LeftOfSean that she had spoken with Tiger and tried to help him through this difficult time in his life.

LeftOfSean has exclusively acquired the transcript of that phone conversation.

Sarah is still on the road, promoting her book Going Vogue: Who Moved My Lipstick? She called Tiger, who is spending time on his yacht away from the media.

It is said that Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan are totally pissed.  They’ve been trying to reach Tiger for several weeks and he won’t return their phone calls.  Barkley insists that Tiger was not involved in what has become known as Vegas Bomb.  That was the term given to the night Barkley, Jordan and Woods allegedly hired 15 hookers, three midgets, and fire-breather, and three caddies to go on a five day coked up bender in a luxury Vegas hotel.

“Man, Tiger just sit in the corner with his putter all night long.  He ain’t do none of that shit.  This is a black conspiracy!”

The Sarah Palin/Tiger Woods transcript

Sarah: Tiger, this is Sarah Palin. How ya doin’?

Tiger:  I’ve been better Sarah.  I’m in a real mess here.  I think my wife is going to leave me.  She found out about all those other women.

Sarah:  Yeah, I heard.  You’re in real pickle now aren’t ya?

Tiger:  I sure am.

Sarah:  That’s why I called Cheetah….

Tiger:  It’s Tiger.

Sarah:  What did I say?

Tiger:  You said Cheetah.

Sarah:  Oh, silly me.  Well, you know.  All your names sound alike!  Anyhoo, they don’t call me the pitbull with lipstick for nothin’.  I’m here to get you out of this mess Lion.

Tiger:  And just how are you going to do that?

Sarah:  Well, the first thing you have to do is give blame where blame is due.

Tiger:  You mean I have to admit to having sex with all those women?

Sarah:  Oh heavens no, silly boy.  The real cuplrit here is the liberal media.  The just love to blame famous, smart people like you and me.  You’re our kind Leopard.  You know: rich.  I have experience with this sort of thing.  You know, if it wasn’t for the liberal media, I would be sitting in the White House right now, doin’ all that governing and vice presidentialling stuff.

Tiger:  Sarah, I don’t think anyone is going to believe that the media did this.  All those girls are telling the press about everything I did.

Sarah:  Yeah, that’s a shame.  By the way, I hear that, um, you are….kind of….well-endowed.  Is that true?

Tiger:  Sarah, focus here.  I have a real problem….and yes, it’s huge.

Sarah:  {sighs}  I do believe it’s getting warm in here.

Tiger:  I think I’m just going to lay low on my yacht for a couple of months and stay out of sight.

Sarah:  You know, that’s probably a good thing.  So, where is your yacht, exactly?

Tiger:  I’m anchored in the Caribbean right now.  I thought I would come down to Jamaica for a while and just stay out of sight.

Sarah:  {muffled, her hands covering the phone.  She screams to someone off the line} How long will it take to get me a flight to Jamaica?

Tiger:  What was that?

Sarah:  Oh nothing.  Say, what you need is a little peace, relaxation, and someone to help to take all these troubles off your mind.  How about I come down there and keep you company for a little while?

Tiger: I don’t know Sarah.  What would happen if the press found out about that?

Sarah:  Oh, don’t you worry your big…I mean pretty self about that.  Sarah will take care of everything.

Tiger:  Ok, if you say so.

Sarah: You betcha’!!

End of phone call