On January 4th, the website BeautifulPeople.com booted off some 5000 people because they let themselves go over the holidays and apparently got too fat to be members of BeautifulPeople.com.

I have just one word:  Fuck Yeah!

I think this is a trend that needs to start around the web.  If you’re a member of Facebook or LameSpace or you contribute to CNN‘s iReport, you should be booted not for being fat, but being IG’NANT!

Here’s the criteria I’ve come up with:

FACEBOOK

• If you have ever changed your status to a bible verse, see ya later.
• If you have ever posted the contents of any meal you ate during the day, see ya later.
• If you reference god, jesus, the bible, or serving the lord, see ya later.  Example: God will show his grace and mercy in every bad situation.
• If you have ever posted the status “Monday Sucks!”, see ya.  NO FUCKING SHIT!  We all know Monday sucks.  You don’t need to update your status to something everyone in world already knows just so you can say you typed in a new status update this morning…Tard!
• If you have ever posted a status update and your friends reply with, “What does that mean?”, see ya later.
• If you have ever sent me an invitation to Mafia Wars or any other viral game on FB, I should have the right to drive over to your house and bitch slap you until you cry.
• If you are this girl, and you are dating that guy, see ya later.  Damn, that picture belongs on www.HotChicksWithDouchebags.com!  Or at the very least TardBlog.com.

MYSPACE

• If you are over the age of 15, see ya later.
• If you have tried to be so cool you’ve completely fucked up the HTML behind your LameSpace page where none of your friends can load it because the background picture of you and your two girlfriends trying to throw gang signs is TOO FUCKING LARGE for the cache to handle it, see ya later.
• If your garage band has a music membership on LameSpace and you uploaded a bunch of cover tunes, see ya later.

iReport

• If anyone has ever told you that you have a face for radio, you don’t belong on iReport.
• If you voted for Sarah Palin because you put lipstick on your pitbull and the dog didn’t eat you alive, you don’t belong on iReport.

TWITTER

• If you update Twitter more times than you eat, you are a douchebag.
• Speaking of eating, if you update Twitter with meal indgredients, you are a douchebag.
• However, if, after eating, you update Twitter with the color of your poop, you are a genius.
• If you carry on conversations all day long with multiple douchebags, you are a douchebag!  Get a fucking blog….or instant messenger.  THEY’RE FREE, you Tard.
• If you have a Twitter account and do NOT have something to promote, you’re just a sad, lonely person who needs to get a life….or you are commonly known as DOUCHEBAG.

I hope this was helpful.  Remember, use your Facebook and Twitter accounts for self promotion and evil.  If you use them for anything else you’re just being sad and pathetic…..unless you’re trying to get laid.  In that case, SCORE!