Most of you know that I’m living a real-life version of the movie Office Space.  It’s basically the same script you see in the movie but the company is larger and the Two Bobs have been replaced by an entire gaggle of consultants.

They’ve sold us on the ridiculous idea of Huddles.  They mostly take up space and throw around keywords to justify their existence (what most consultants do) and provide no real value to the company.  They actually suck the life out of the company and then move on to another company where they continue sucking.

To give you a little backstory, we have consultants because the executive management at this company is incompetent.  Competency doesn’t need consultants to sell you a load of shit.  Competency is smart enough to come up with the solutions.

Next week I have to attend a two hour Webinar (nice keyword, huh?) to teach me how to use a new system that will be used to grade my performance and determine my raise.  Everyone in the company has to go to this system.  Basically, they’re using the system because the leadership is constantly looking for a way to automate the “thought process” while maximizing the consultant dollar.  Nice theory, huh?

Throughout the writing process of this post, I keep trying to come up with a witty faux conversation to convey how ridiculous I find all of this mess, but I can’t.  I think I’m so tired of corporate bullshit that I have lost my sense of humor when it comes to making fun of it’s stupidity.  There are days I want to walk out.  There are days I want to scream.  But most days I just live my life to experience the next day.

There has to be more to life than walking into the same job, day after day, watching stupidity run the show.  Remember M*A*S*M*A*S*H?  I’m kind of living what life would be like if Frank Burns and a smart ass third grader ran things.

I’m thinking about going  back to school to study something else.  I just can’t figure out what I want to do yet.  I’m 42 and life bores me.  Unfortunately, I can’t get paid to be a professional dreamer.  Maybe I should just give in and become a consultant.  To be honest, I’m really quite good at making charts and graphs look pretty.  I’m pretty sure that’s how the current gaggle of consultants wooed the current executives.