We had been sleeping in the foxholes for almost a week now.  Waiting for the onslaught.  It would come any day now.  There were three of us in my foxhole: Danny, Pokey, and me.  Danny was from Chicago and had an accent that sounded like cheese, if cheese could talk.  I hated him.  He’s fat.  He smells.  And I’m pretty sure he eats whatever he picks out of his nose.

Pokey is from Iowa.  I think he got his nickname on a farm or something.  He is strange and stupid and we all pick on him.  We never ask about the nickname.  I, for one, am afraid of his response.  He masturbates at least three times every evening as he sleeps.  I don’t think he ever has clean underwear.

I got stuck in this foxhole with them because I was taking a dump when foxholes were chosen.  Some of the guys got really great foxholes with snacks and radios.  One foxhole even has a television.  I got stuck with Humpty Dumpty and his goat fucking sidekick.

We’re all scared.  We have already been hit twice by the enemy and it just wasn’t any fun at all.  When the first wave hit, it wasn’t that bad.  We got used to the smell from the cabbage missiles.  The planes would drop them all night long.  I mean bloody hell, it was cabbage for fuck’s sake.

No, the real problem came when they started in with the meat catapults.  Sometimes it was just a little ground beef or maybe a bucket of chicken or two.  But when the barrage really got going they switched to flank steaks.  We even saw several racks of ribs come flying through.  Now that smarts!

I swear, when this war is over I’m going to become a vegetarian!

******

If you understood any of the story you just read, you are a better person than I am!

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