Left Of Sean

@DateFail…

ME:

{Calling KAREN} Hey, I’m here. Are you ready?

KAREN:

Who is this?

ME:

Sean!  We have a date tonight?

KAREN:

Oh, I’m sorry. My cat had a stressful day.  Can I take a raincheck?

ME:

Ok, have a nice life.

KAREN:

Don’t be like that.  I really want to go out with you.  I want to spend July 4th with you under the fireworks.  A nice bottle of wine and just enjoying the show.

ME:

Ok, I’ll see you then.

July 4th: 5:00pm

ME:

Are you ready?

KAREN:

I’m so sorry, my boss wants us to have a little toast after work.  I have to wait for that.  I promise, I’ll be there in 45 minutes.

July 4th: 6:15pm

ME:

{Voicemail} Hey, it’s 6:15pm.  We really need to get going if we’re going to get a good spot.

July 4th: 7:00pm

ME:

{ text message}  Ok, I’m going to go ahead and leave.  I have included the directions. Call me when you get here.

July 4th: 8:00pm

ME:

{text message} I decided to drink the wine I brought and I ate all the cheese.  I’m feeling sick and might throw up.

July 4th: 9:30pm

ME:

{text message} bitch!

July 4th: 9:36pm

ME:

{text message} Ok, fuck you then. When I get home from the hospital I’m going to defriend you. I hate you and your stupid cat.

July 5th: 3:42am

{knocking at my door}

KAREN:

{text message} Hey, where are you?

ME:

I’m sitting in my house recovering from food poisoning.

KAREN:

Didn’t you hear me knocking? I’m outside.  Let me in.

ME:

I saw you through the peephole.

KAREN:

I’ve been meaning to call you.  What a fucked up night. I think I’m tripping on acid.

ME:

You totally blew me off!

KAREN:

No, no.  I met these totally amazing people and things got a little out of hand.  I want to apologize. Will you let me in?  The walls are melting and I think I peed my pants.

ME:

Sure, leave me a message and let me know when you want to come in.

KAREN:

I’m here. Just let me in.

ME:

Cool.  Keep me posted.

KAREN:

Let me in!

ME:

{beeeeeeeeeep} You have reached  a number that has been disconnected or is out of service. If you feel……

KAREN:

Fuck you.

Sunday night we found out which teams are going to the big dance.  Yep, the NCAA tournament in men’s basketball.

Right, right.  Most of you don’t give a shit.  But I kind of dig it.  However, my team, Oklahoma, sucked this year so I’m not obsessed with the tournament like in the past.

However, I did fill out a bracket and will compete in a friendly little competition with a friend from Columbus, Ohio.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to get my ass kicked but I didn’t have to put any money in to the pot so it’s not a big deal.

What is a big deal is that one of my other favorite teams, Baylor, not only made it to the tournament but is a #3 seed in the South section of the bracket.  My family went to Baylor.  I was born in Waco.  I had respect for Baylor after a player was murdered and their coach turned out to be a major turd in the early 2000′s.

I am still proud of them but have lost some respect now that they have hired a major douchebag, Ken Starr, as their new president.  But I didn’t go to Baylor so I’m not too upset about it.

I find it funny that all over this country we will see a bigtime spike in internet traffic during the tournament.  I’m talking about the workday.  You see, the tournament is played on Thursday and Friday for the first two weeks.  Corporate networks all over will experience major service level issues because millions of employees will be watching, in secret, the games on their work computers.  Some companies block certain websites during the tournament for just this reason.

I’m not that brave.  Plus, my boss would kill me!  But I will check the scores often, if not online then on the iPhone.

This is a great time of year if you are a college basketball fan.  The games are exciting and there are always some nail-biters that provide great entertainment.

Kansas is the overall, #1 seed in the tournament.  I have to admit, they kick ass.  But Baylor gave them a good game earlier this year and in this game, anything can happen on any given day.  I don’t hold out much hope for Baylor past the first couple of rounds, but I can always dream.  Hell, George Mason made it to the Final Four a few years ago.  If they can do it, my Bears certainly have a shot.

UCLA has won something like 12 or 13 national titles over the years.  I think they won 9 in a row in the 60s/70s.  That’s kind of like the Yankees and Dodgers.  They’ve won their share for a lifetime and shouldn’t be allowed to win any more.

UCLA didn’t make the tournament this year so they won’t get another chance.  I’m glad they won’t be playing but I’ll certainly miss their cheerleaders!

So strap on your foam finger and pony up to the bar wherever you are on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  This year will be a lot of fun.

Sic ‘em Bears!

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