Left Of Sean

Inspired by the Jack Handy column from the New Yorker.

I’ve decided that I need to rob a grocery store.  The cost of food is just outrageous and I’m sick of paying $8.00 for Folgers coffee.

There are a few issues though.  I’m not a criminal so I have no experience robbing anything.  I really don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m pretty sure that if I just ran in there and started waving a gun around, fifty irate soccer moms mixed with fifty welfare biotches would tackle me to the floor and beat the living shit out of me while I squealed like a little girl. continue reading…

Fiction, by Left of Sean

I don’t like old people.  Yes, I’m callous and mean and a total asshole.  But I can’t help it.  I don’t want to be around old people.

They’re slow.  They stink.  Their minds move at a snail’s pace.  The rest of us in this world have places to be and things to do.  We don’t need to get stuck behind some 90 year old lady at a stop light who can’t tell what color light is shining at the intersection.

My story begins at the grocery store. continue reading…