Left Of Sean

@DateFail…

ME:

{Calling KAREN} Hey, I’m here. Are you ready?

KAREN:

Who is this?

ME:

Sean!  We have a date tonight?

KAREN:

Oh, I’m sorry. My cat had a stressful day.  Can I take a raincheck?

ME:

Ok, have a nice life.

KAREN:

Don’t be like that.  I really want to go out with you.  I want to spend July 4th with you under the fireworks.  A nice bottle of wine and just enjoying the show.

ME:

Ok, I’ll see you then.

July 4th: 5:00pm

ME:

Are you ready?

KAREN:

I’m so sorry, my boss wants us to have a little toast after work.  I have to wait for that.  I promise, I’ll be there in 45 minutes.

July 4th: 6:15pm

ME:

{Voicemail} Hey, it’s 6:15pm.  We really need to get going if we’re going to get a good spot.

July 4th: 7:00pm

ME:

{ text message}  Ok, I’m going to go ahead and leave.  I have included the directions. Call me when you get here.

July 4th: 8:00pm

ME:

{text message} I decided to drink the wine I brought and I ate all the cheese.  I’m feeling sick and might throw up.

July 4th: 9:30pm

ME:

{text message} bitch!

July 4th: 9:36pm

ME:

{text message} Ok, fuck you then. When I get home from the hospital I’m going to defriend you. I hate you and your stupid cat.

July 5th: 3:42am

{knocking at my door}

KAREN:

{text message} Hey, where are you?

ME:

I’m sitting in my house recovering from food poisoning.

KAREN:

Didn’t you hear me knocking? I’m outside.  Let me in.

ME:

I saw you through the peephole.

KAREN:

I’ve been meaning to call you.  What a fucked up night. I think I’m tripping on acid.

ME:

You totally blew me off!

KAREN:

No, no.  I met these totally amazing people and things got a little out of hand.  I want to apologize. Will you let me in?  The walls are melting and I think I peed my pants.

ME:

Sure, leave me a message and let me know when you want to come in.

KAREN:

I’m here. Just let me in.

ME:

Cool.  Keep me posted.

KAREN:

Let me in!

ME:

{beeeeeeeeeep} You have reached  a number that has been disconnected or is out of service. If you feel……

KAREN:

Fuck you.

This morning at work, the healthcare provider is holding a health screening near my office. I have walked by several times to either go to the breakroom or the bathroom and have noticed all the grossly obese people waiting for their turn to hear that they are overweight, have high blood pressure, and eat nothing but junk food that’s killing them.

I looked at the line of chairs against the wall and watched as they filled out their health history. It looked like the fucking DMV. But that’s another blog entry….to come!

I started wondering just how stupid these people really are. You’re in very poor health and you’re a massive burden on the tax payer and the healthcare system in general, yet you volunteer to let the very insurance company who has the authority to deny you care, to screen you and record your state of health. Do these people not read the news? Do you not understand that NOW there is a record of your bad health?

When they have that first stroke or heart attack at 45 years of age, this moment is what the insurance company will use to deny payment. Now you become one of the 45 million uninsured and create a BIGGER headache for this country.

But I guess if you weren’t obese in the first place you wouldn’t have this problem, huh?  Or if you weren’t too stupid to see what the healthcare insurance industry has done to countless others.  Read a newspaper, do some research, get informed!!  It’s called pre-existing condition!

Put down the cheeseburger and lift a bottle of water!