Left Of Sean

Tiger Woods had a press conference today to say he was sorry for all his transgressions.  Boy did he have a lot of sex with some… ok, they were of questionable beauty.  But he had fun while it lasted!

I’ve kept kind of quiet about Tiger since this story broke.  I’m a big fan of Tiger so I didn’t really want to fuel the fire by influencing both of my readers.  But I have to say now that I think Tiger went about this all wrong.

Tiger should have walked straight out to the press and said, “Hell yeah I fucked all those women!  Was it right?  No, but I did it….oh, and by the way, I’m taking a little break.  I’ll be back in few months.”

I’m pretty sure Elin is history so why not just admit it from the start and move on.  Pay her the $100 million she’ll get out of you anyway and move on with your life.  The problem now is that you said nothing and now two months later (or however long it has been) we are STILL seeing your mug in the news.

Tiger, buddy, you could have dumped this problem by confronting it immediately and, while it’s serious, laughing it off and letting it die off in the night.

When I was in high school I ended up drunk and passed out in the front yard of a HUGE party where almost the entire school was gathering.  That was a Friday night.  Saturday night I walked right back out to another party with the same classmates and let them get their barbs in.

Monday morning at school I heard not a word.  No one EVER mentioned it ever again.  This isn’t on the same scale as Tiger, but come one!  Tiger, you fucked up on this one from a PR standpoint.

I’ll still watch you play golf but I have to question your ability to stay focused now.  I want you to be the greatest golfer of all time and I’m afraid this is going to stop that goal in its tracks.

Although, once Elin leaves, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble getting laid!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Watch Tiger Woods Public Statement Live: NOT a Press Conference (VIDEO) (blippitt.com)
• Tiger Has His Own Photog On Staff!!! (perezhilton.com)

Someone explain this headline to me: “Fla. is not supposed to be cold like this.“  Every couple of years Florida has a cold spell.  The fruit freezes and granny bitches about the cost of her grapefruit and orange juice.

This is NOTHING NEW.

No, it’s not supposed to get cold in Florida, but it does.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s God punishing Florida for allowing that Tiger Woods fellow to live there.  Maybe he’s punishing the homosexuals.  That seems to be a common theme these days.

Or maybe it just is.

If I had to guess, I’d say it was a slow news day at MSNBC and they needed a story to fill the main page.

So suck it up granny.  This is what you get for moving to a hell hole like Florida anyway.  You should have stayed in NYC where you could ride the subway instead of clogging up freeways.

Oh yeah, scientists have found that eating grapefruit makes you gay.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Florida Orange Growers Pick Faster, Water to Curb Freeze Damage (businessweek.com)
• Cold Blast Threatening Oranges in Florida (shoppingblog.com)

Last week, Sarah Palin decided to chyme in on the Tiger Woods saga.  Sarah told us here at LeftOfSean that she had spoken with Tiger and tried to help him through this difficult time in his life.

LeftOfSean has exclusively acquired the transcript of that phone conversation.

Sarah is still on the road, promoting her book Going Vogue: Who Moved My Lipstick? She called Tiger, who is spending time on his yacht away from the media.

It is said that Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan are totally pissed.  They’ve been trying to reach Tiger for several weeks and he won’t return their phone calls.  Barkley insists that Tiger was not involved in what has become known as Vegas Bomb.  That was the term given to the night Barkley, Jordan and Woods allegedly hired 15 hookers, three midgets, and fire-breather, and three caddies to go on a five day coked up bender in a luxury Vegas hotel.

“Man, Tiger just sit in the corner with his putter all night long.  He ain’t do none of that shit.  This is a black conspiracy!”

continue reading…

I think I’d like to start a new series called Kicked In The Nuts…”

This series will focus on someone, something, or a concept that should be kicked in the nuts.  We all know that there are many targets in the world.  Some are easy (Sally Kern, James Inhoffe, Rush Limbaugh).  But I’d rather go after the obscure or conceptual issues.

For my first entry, I’d like to choose…

Tiger Woods

Tiger, you fucktard.  Why is your wife going through your cellphone.  Don’t you know how to lock the goddamn thing?  And seriously, you cheated on your MODEL wife!!  Dude, most men would kill to tap that ass and you’re out screwing hos.

You’re gonna pay for this.  You’re gonna pay big time.  I guess it’s good that you can afford it, huh?

Next time, just hire a really hot personal assistant.

By now you’ve heard about Tiger’s 2:25am wreck in his neighborhood.  If you haven’t, you should probably put down the magazine and step out of the bathroom.

I’m not sure what to think about this little incident.  The rumor is that he and Elin were in a fight because Tiger has been tappin’ another ass.  My first question is why would you tap another ass when you have a model wife at home?

What’s getting really weird is that he will not speak to the police.  Tiger has always been a pretty private guy, but this is strange.

But I do have to wonder something: if the rumor is true and Elin divorces him, how big is that check going to be?  Jesus, she could walk out of this marriage with a record settlement!  He’s the first athlete billionaire.  This could be big.