Left Of Sean

This morning I received a push notification (If you don’t know what that means, buy an iPhone.) from Mashable entitled 11 Free Services for Scheduling Social Media Updates.

Since I read Mashable.com religiously, I clicked on it, of course.  Basically it was a list of resources to schedule your Tweets and Facebook status updates.  I know, it sounds ridiculous, but if you use your Twitter account for evil like I do, these are handy tools.  You can just schedule your creativeness to spread to your minions at various intervals.

Here are a few of the tool names:

• Hootsuite
• LaterBro
• CoTweet
• Twaitter
• FutureTweets
• Tweetsqueue
• DynamicTweets
• Taweet
• Tweet-U-Later
• TweetShed
• Twuffer

They seem really kind of stupid to me.  Twuffer?  Are you kidding me?  Is this like a Twitter Fluffer?  (Again, if you don’t know what a fluffer is, click {NSFW} here. {porn warning}).

LaterBro?  Is that only for surfer dudes or frat boys?  What about LaterHo for da bitches?

I decided that I could come up with my own name.  My service will have the ability to Tweet AND shop for shoes as well as a section to bitch.  I call it Twhut!

The exclamation point integral to the name so don’t forget it.

Originally I thought about Twat! but I realized that……oh what the hell, I’ll just create another site called Twat! Maybe even Twhut Twat!

“He Helen, I saw you online last night.”

“Really?  Where?”

“On Twhut Twat!”

“Oh yes, I just love to play on my Twat! I don’t know Twhut! I would do with out it!  My Twat! is my stress reliever.  I just let my fingers do the walking and in no time my Twat! is soaked with information.”

Next I think I’ll create one named Twugg! for the gay community.

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I know, I know.  I teased you all winter long with multiple entries each day and then I just left you hanging once the good weather started.  Blame the motorcycle and yard work!

Whew, where do I begin.  So much has changed in the two weeks since my last post.  I’ve grown older and wiser and fatter and grayer.

I guess the biggest change is my complete isolation from social media.  I deleted my Facebook account with a handful of others on Monday.  We didn’t make the dent in Facebook’s user count, but I feel so much better knowing that I’ll never have to see another Farmville wall post or prayer request!!

My Twitter accounts are still active but the only updates that will happen are posts from this blog in an effort to continue my shameless self promotion.

I kind of feel like John Mayer when it comes to Twitter.  His statement was that Twitter isn’t over, but he’s over Twitter.  I’ve always thought Twitter was ridiculous and juvenile (I know, it’s amazing that someone as juvenile as me made that statement!).  Now I’m just over it.

Posts will probably be pretty sparse this summer because of the motorcycle and other events.  I just don’t have the desire to sit down and write in warm weather.  The winter is much more conducive to sitting in a coffee shop for hours on end writing stupid stories in my blog.  I guess I’m kind of like your favorite TV show.  It’s stupid but you can’t stop watching and there’s a long summer hiatus.

I’ll try to post more often than once every couple of weeks but no promises.  Maybe I’ll just use this summer to post pictures of me on the motorcycle and we can keep up with the adventures of Mr. Bill and Chip.

Then again, you might just pictures and stories about toe jam!

Have a great summer everyone.

Left Of Sean

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Every once in a while I dig through the iTunes app store to look at the new apps and see if there’s anything I really want to purchase.

While Apple boasts that there are 100,000 apps and something like a quadrillion downloads, I had to think about the validity of those numbers.  There are really only about 50 apps that are cool.  The rest are shit or an attempt at a copy of a cool app.  For instance, you have Tweetie and HootSuite and there there are all the others.  No one gives a shit about all the others, but developers keep making them because there are handfuls of clueless people who will continue to buy them.

Those purchases afford the developer to create truly monumental and useful applications like iFart!

I decided to come up with a few apps on my own.  I can’t program these, but I thought they might be cool to have.

• iSpot: This app takes a picture of some disgusting growth on your body and tells you how long you have to live.
• uFat:  Start this app and it will run a continuous loop of fat jokes and insults to help you lose weight…you fat pig.
• MileHighClub:  Got a long layover at a large airport?  Need a place to screw that hooker you just picked up in the American Airlines Admiral’s Club?  This app will help you find a secluded location in any major airport so you can get your freak on!
• BitchSTFU:  Loud guy on his cell phone in a coffee shop?  No problem.  Baby crying on an airplane?  BitchSTFU will stop that little monster.
• iShockIt:  Turns your iPhone into a taser.  Useful for many applications.  Combine with BitchSTFU and get a discount.

I think my next invention will be an app that makes money appear in my bank account!

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I’m pretty sure you can’t get enough of Left Of Sean.

You know how drugs kill brain cells?  You know how the musical Cats makes you ignorant and sterile?  You know how NASCAR will make you want to drink cheap beer and pee in public?

Well, reading Left Of Sean will have the same effect.

I’ll bet you didn’t know that you can get the condensed version of my brain cell killing, sterilizing, public peeing dribble over at Twitter.

Come on…be my Twitter Bitch!

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Today I was sitting on the toilet thinking about my next blog post and…..  What?  Bad image in your head now?  Well, welcome to Left Of Sean.

As I was saying….

I started thinking about Facebook and some of the good, and bad, things it has brought us.  I’ve reconnected with lots of old friends and I’m grateful for that.  I found new friends that I never would have known without Facebook.

Since we lived through an election cycle with Facebook, we also got to see which of our friends are real idiots and which ones are intelligent.  There’s a fine line, trust me.

I think has been the greatest contribution by Facebook is that it has introduced us to so many ridiculous Facebook Groups.

There are millions of them.  I really noticed them during the election.  But now they’re just stupid.  And the ridiculousness of the groups provides lots of blog fodder. continue reading…