Left Of Sean

I’m growing old harshly. I don’t say gracefully because, if you know me, I’m anything but graceful.  I wouldn’t say I’m fighting it, just not enjoying it.

I think the reality has started to hit me that I’m getting older and the immortal dreams of youth are not coming true.  I was going to be great.  I was going to be a mullet-headed, spandex wearing, hot-chick pounding rock star!  I’m pretty sure that dream didn’t come true.

I was going to be rich.  I would travel the world in my personal jet with my hot secretary and I would solve all the world’s problems by throwing cash and attitude at them.  I was a Donald Trump wanna-be.  (Hey, it was the 80s!)

That’s right.  I was going to be BIG with a capital ‘S.’  {S = Stupid!} continue reading…

Over the years I have accused my wife of not having a sense of humor.  I know she actually does, but this is a joke (and a sore sport) between the two of us.  Her humor is based on the English sense of humor.  I find it dry and boring.

The English sense of humor tends to stray from the silly.  There are no fart jokes in English humor.  It’s all about how the writer can make something funny and intelligent at the same time.  I can respect it, but I usually don’t laugh at it.

I, on the other hand, enjoy a much more juvenile sense of humor.  I love Dave Barry, Harold Ramis, and a whole host of comedians like Bobby Collins, Robin Williams, and Robert Smigel.  They have made a very good living off of crude and vile humor.

Until recently, I was pretty close minded when it came to appreciating the different types of humor.  That was until I read Mike Sacks‘ And Here’s The Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writer on Their Craft and began to appreciate much more than a series of fart jokes.

I tell you this because the year 2010 is going to be a great year, IMO.  I don’t make resolutions; I make Suggestions.  The word resolution is a form of resolve.  My Bitchin’ iPhone tells me that resolve means to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something). That means that I have to stick to it.  If I rename the resolution  Suggestion, I can take it or leave it.

My Suggestion for the year is to be more open to others ideas.  This is going to be difficult for me.  I’m pretty opinionated and pretty quick to judge.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to take a lot of Valium…or learn to meditate.  I’m not even going to touch religion at this point.  Most of you know how I feel about religion.  Politics is another touchy subject.  But at this moment, I’m pissed at both sides.  So, I’m just going to leave it alone too.

You probably have noticed that I really slowed down the political rhetoric after the election.  I just got sick of it.  I didn’t want to be like the ‘W’ supporters who kept shoving it down our throats.  There is something called a Sore Winner!

Here are a few other Suggestions:

• No diet.  I just want to start exercising more and eating better
• Reduce my alcohol intake.  I’m not really a big drinker.  This is more a wallet suggestion.  Every time I walk into a bar I drop $30-$40.  Do that two to three times a week and look at what you’re spending on booze a month!  I saved almost $400 in one pay period from just stopping the bar and eating out.  Now I’ll have the money to support my porn addiction!
• I have some writing goals for the year but I won’t share them here.
• And lastly, I want to just chill.  This is going to be difficult too.  It’s hard to chill when you don’t give a shit about anything other than your dogs.  But I’m going to try.

There you have it.  2010 in a nutshell.  Wish me luck…and feel free to put me in my place if I’m not living up to those Suggestions!

When I was a child, I just knew I was going to be something special when I grew up.  I knew I would be a lawyer or an engineer or even a doctor.  When my parents bought me my first guitar at age ten I just knew I would be a rock star.  At forty-two I still have that dream.

There have been many dreams and schemes throughout the years: golfer, writer, attorney, photographer, computer programmer, actor, artist.  The only one that came true was the computer programmer.

I’m here to tell you, it stinks.  Don’t get me wrong, I kind of like my job and I’m grateful for the job, especially in this economy.  But the grind of 8-5 every day and living with the corporate bullshit that goes along with the job is about as much fun as having a catheter inserted.

Even at this age I dream about what it will be like when I grow up.  What am I going to do for the rest of my life?  I still think about this even though my life is halfway over.

But at this point, I think I have it figured out what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.  I have figured out the perfect career for me.  It does not take any additional education.  It doesn’t take any special training.  It is something every person in the world can do, but I’m a master at it.  You can do it too.

Give up?

I’m going to be a Professional Dreamer.  That’s right.  I’m leaving my amateur status behind and heading for the big time.  I’m going to DREAM for a living.

What does this job entail, you ask?

I’ll tell you.  I’m going to win the lottery.  Once I win the lottery I’m going to buy everything I ever wanted so I can dream some more.  This is going to be tough.  It entails lots of daydreaming.  It will require long showers where I’m totally in the dream zone.

Sleeping in the car is essential.  Drinking too much alcohol is a requirement.  Living my life in a fuzzy haze is my new mantra.  Setting unrealistic goals will be a daily occurrence.  In addition, changing those goals in a timely fashion is what dreaming for a living is all about; sometimes hourly.

So tomorrow I’ll get up and go to work at my designated time, just like I will for the rest of my life (and just like you will for the rest of your life too).  I will trudge through the mediocrity of life as an analyst, living my life as dully as possible.  And in another 30 years when I have retired, I will sit on my patio looking into the distance, thinking about what my life should have been.  An old man, coming to the end.  I will continue my profession right up to the day I die.  That’s what dreamers do.

I carry around a notebook everywhere I go.  I keep this notebook so I can make notes on things I want to write about or observations I see.  On the inside sleeve I have written a quote.

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.
George Eliot

While that quote has good intentions, it rings true for almost all of us.  We are all living what we might have been: Dreamers!